Thinking September is looking empty compared to August? If you're interested, you could have a look at my checklist:

• Is your name on the organ donor register? Is the card in your wallet and an information cylinder in your fridge?
• Give blood, if you're allowed to. Reward yourself with cake. Morningside is nearby; you can do the Chocolate Tree and Loopy Lorna's.
• Make a will. You are unlikely to be hit by a tram in the near future, not here, but you could fall off a cliff. Its a hilly city.
• Put EVERYTHING in writing. Don't make any verbal agreements with ANYONE regarding what happens in your absence or as additional clauses to your will, write them all down. At best the executor might have a very bad memory, at worst they might be a duplicitous little shit. In between they might just be a sociopath. You really don't want to leave anyone drowning in guilt and helplessness and fury as well as grief when they become the ignored official witness to an ignored verbal agreement.
• Do, however, remember to tell the relevant people!
• Clear out your wardrobe. Charity shops are waiting for your sartorial errors.

There you go, that's the first week of September sorted. Wait till you see my list for the second week :-)

Art Late plus

Art Late tonight, check website to plan your route or just join in the afterparty.
http://www.edinburghartfestival.com/ I can't go but I'm bursting keen to get across town to visit the Union Gallery http://www.uniongallery.co.uk/ in a couple of weeks, not least because two of their artists are tutors I had, and they were inspirational.

I have been in bed so missed any more schmoozing, sorry, business opportunities, but Writers' Bloc comrade Gavin Inglis was snapped up when he reappeared at the book festival during daylight hours: http://audioboo.fm/boos/171888-gavin-inglis-from-writers-bloc-reads-stomp-59

There's a recording of myself and Lindsay too. It was done after StoryShop so my voice is getting croaky and my mind is wandering (towards iced water): http://audioboo.fm/boos/167233-storyshop-writer-morag-edward-reads-an-extract-from-cello-man

I think we should do more of those :-) It would also mean we could still include comrade Stefan Pearson, who has just moved to France. Seriously, I do mean just moved; he left the day after the book festival cabaret and is still on the road.

If you want to buy costumes and props from the Big Red Door head along to 10 Lady Lawson Street in the afternoon. Cabaret at night, second last ever, 9pm - 1am, music till 3am. BYOB.

For Sunday, the Out of the Blue Drill Hall http://www.outoftheblue.org.uk/index.htm
the Bongo Club http://www.thebongoclub.co.uk/
the Forest Cafe http://forestcafe.tumblr.com/
and the Botanics http://www.rbge.org.uk/whats-on/home
are accessible slightly hippy venues worth trying your wheels at to see what's on, if you don't already have specific plans for the Fringe. If you can cope with dodgy pavement edges then head down into the Cowgate and you will find some fabulous Underbelly show selections.

Woken by a nosebleed and birdsong. Well, that makes for variety, I suppose.

That was enormous fun! Writers' Bloc at Unbound at the book festival went so well that it might be my favourite gig yet. I really hope the audience enjoyed it as much as we did. Thank you for coming along! Thanks also to Nick and the book festival staff, who were on top form tonight. It was a fantastic opportunity. It was also a rare chance to exciteably catch up with folk I haven't seen in ages. I wish I'd been able to reach all the folk I recognised in the crowd! The Bloc Press chapbooks and Mark Harding's new anthology were on sale so I hope you enjoy tonight's bedtime reading. If you saw me zooming out of the place after the gig tonight, that bloke who was pushing my wheelchair writes rather good books too ;-)

I am utterly spangled. What a week - and I've been outside TWICE. My extremely painful neck and wheezing lungs testify to that as they don't take kindly from going to static sea air mode to bump, shoogledy traffic fume mode. The cars in front of the taxi crashed just as the book festival tents came into view, so that was enough to wake me up properly. No-one was hurt badly but those cars will never walz again.

There's massive trauma on planet velocity-m at the moment - I feel like I've suddenly woken up under gunfire and in a minefield. I know its possible to release stress by writing hard but jeeez, I don't think I can write fast enough for long enough to take any more of this kind of anguish. If I can then I know who to dedicate the book to. In fact, make it dedicate the trilogy to. I can only hope that the royalties will pay for the therapy I'm going to need.

I'm very much looking forward to returning to the bosom of my adopted family this weekend, and curling up in a corner. The Big Red Door household will be at home to give you two final cabarets then no more, its all gone and the Door will close. tePOOKa will carry on but there will be no more Door. Please come and join us to wave farewell to Lord Lawson this weekend. There may be tears, but there will be talent. Thursday and Friday afternoon the Door will be open for you to come in and buy costumes and props then on Friday and Saturday 9pm - 1am there will be cabaret. BYOB and bring spending pennies too in case you spot a costume or wall-hanging or chaise-longue that you want to take home, but most of all, bring yourself!

Its 1am and the painkillers have started to work, but I'm too full of book festival sandwiches to lie down flat and go to sleep. I spose I could lean out of the window to see if Henry is around but I think I'd better stay still.

There are other things to look forward to - thankfully - including the Portobello Big Beach Busk on Saturday from noon till, er, possibly Monday at this rate. Everyone is welcome, whether to perform or watch as the prom fill with as many weird and wonderful performers as possible. And my beloved flatmate Emily's book launch is rapidly approaching. Hoorah for books. They keep us alive.

climate camp

As its pissing down with rain (albeit quite warm rain) now would be a good time to join or support the climate camp protestors and activists around Edinburgh as they try to encourage the Royal Bank of Scotland to stop lending money to companies who pollute on a massive scale. They're also raising awareness in Edinburgh that the proposed biomass fuelled power-plant for Leith will cause bad air pollution in the area (as well as contributing globally) kinda the opposite of what was claimed by the company when locals asked. Its also not 'getting rid of local waste' - its planning to ship woodchips in from abroad.

Follow news snippets on www.guardian.co.uk/environment/blog/2010/aug/23/climate-camp-day-action-edinburgh/

and if you are a twitterer look for the tag #climatecamp

This is not just something for the hippies - read all about it!

Unfortunately for me, the Edinburgh International Book Festival is sponsored by RBS, among others, so there will be protestors there too tomorrow night when I go in. Should I be one of the protestors instead? I think I could do more as an insider than from the outside. I feel torn about how to address this because I support the book festival, but not RBS's current behaviour, not at all.

When I was little I won an art prize but when I went to the gallery for the award, I couldn't get past angry picketers. It was pretty alarming and I didn't know what was going on. Turned out the prize was sponsored by BP, and that was why there was so much protesting. That's one way to learn about BP! If I hadn't had the headsup today that the book festival was sponsored by RBS, I guess tomorrow I'd be having a flashback to being eight years old again.

book festival cabaret

Unbound, the new evening cabaret at the book festival, is going down veeerry well. It started with a bang a week ago, no, it really did, Gutter press read Tartan Porn. A variety of famous and infamous author-performers have been entertaining/ horrifying/ alarming the audience ever since.

Its our turn now so Writers' Bloc will be on stage in the Spiegeltent, Charlotte Square Gardens on Tuesday night (24th Aug) from 9pm till 11.30pm. Tis free.

http://www.writers-bloc.org.uk/
http://www.edbookfest.co.uk/

free cake!

Sunday 22nd August
Pleasance Courtyard
2pm
Free cake!


'nuff said.

book festival feedback

Ok, after yet another sad wee message from folk who'd tried to get in to Story Shop to hear me on Sunday but couldn't find me, I am getting a picture of what happened to them all.

1) They looked for my name listed outside a tent. Nope, it was only in the main entrance hall. I must admit I checked the whiteboard outside the bookshop as I wheeled in and spotted that it wasn't there, nor was there a mention of Story Shop...
2) They asked EIBF staff, who didn't know what they meant by Story Shop. (OHHHHH!)
3) They haven't been to the venue before and couldn't spot the bookshop through the crowds.

Why do I feel so guilty?!

free stories at the book festival!

Every day at 10am (Ten at Ten) and 4pm (StoryShop) you can have a free slice of literature read by a new author in the corner of the Edinburgh International Book Festival bookshop in Charlotte Square Gardens. Yesterday it was me! In the 4pm slot obviously, nobody who knows me would suggest I attempt the English language in the morning. The afternoon was challenge enough.

My favourite cellist Lindsay Martindale accompanied me in the tragic tale of Cello Man, a teeny extract of which was recorded afterwards for the EIBF site. We had a heatwave, we had Bach, we had Elgar, we almost had Saint Saens but changed our minds last week. It was wonderful to see so many friends in the audience, though I was too fried afterwards to leap on them all. We also had the company of Michel Faber!

I LOVE mutlimedia storytelling and have sooo many old sketches for more. More cello too, it can give goosebumps. So far I've read with drums, with trapeze and acro, and a nearby pole-dancer. Now that's what you need for bedtime stories. Speaking of which, the first of the nightly cabaret slots of the book festival's 'Unbound' was on Sunday too, courtesy of Gutter Press, but I was in bed by then with ice packs on me joints. I would have loved to have heard their literary porn in action. Was it MacPorn or Tartan Porn? Ohh that reminds me, I'd never heard my stories called Tartan Noir before.

Did I mention all this is free? Hoorah for free ink. Get yourself across to the EIBF's website to peruse the menu and buy tickets or just head to the gardens and get some wee freebies. There will be another Writers' Bloc comrade at Story Shop too: Stefan Pearson on Friday 20th, 4pm.
http://www.edbookfest.co.uk/

Tonight try the other Spiegeltent, the one in George Square, for the wonderful Horndogs, 9pm - 11pm, freeee.

Before I go back to sleep, I need to thank the captain of the ole pirate ship Radio Free Porty for rescuing me when my printer broke down as I was preparing my scripts for the Story Shop reading - without him I'd have been reading from memory.

eating the Edinburgh festivals

In the wee small hours of post-meteor surfing I discovered this new page of Edinburgh eatery listings for vegans, written by someone I know with good taste in interesting food, and a timely co-incidence as I have been searching online for my own list (and recipes) this summer. I haven't yet cross-referenced it with access, though I can already recommend my favourite from the list: The Mosque Kitchen (Edinburgh Central Mosque, 50 Potterrow) as well as The Regent (2 Montrose Terrace) and The Auld Hoose (23 - 25 St Leonard's Street)

http://nacmanvegan.wordpress.com/vegan-friendly-edinburgh/

Here are the details of the storytelling I mentioned, by my Writers' Bloc comrades, Mr Andrew C Ferguson and Mr Gavin Inglis, in any wheely accessible shows (including one with me in it too...):

Andrew C Ferguson's Wee Free Fringe (and other August shows)

Sunday 22nd and Wednesday 25th August
Chaos Raging Sweet
14:50 to 15:50
Banqueting Hall, Banshee Labyrinth, Niddy Street
Andrew C Ferguson and Rob MarKenzie introduce some of the UK's best poets and their most musical work to explore the blurred boundaries.

Tuesday 24th
Writers' Bloc @ Unbound
EIBF, Charlotte Square Gardens
21:00 to 01:00
Free

Thursday 26th
19:30 to 20:30
Utter! The Brave
Part of the Utter! Spoken word series
Banshee Labyrinth Banqueting Hall, Niddry Street
Free top-quality storytelling and poetry from the Fringe's funniest writers. New Themed shows daily.

and...

Gavin Inglis will be also be appearing at:
The Captain's Bar
Thursday 12th (tonight!) Wednesday 18th and Saturday 21st
20:30 onwards

Friday 13th
Utter!
with stories from Gav's chapbook 'Crap Ghosts'
19:30 onwards
Banshee Labyrinth Banqueting Hall, Niddry Street

and...

Apparently some of the winners of the #UnboundEd storytelling competition tweets will be read at Bloc Unbound's night on the 24th at the EIBF - I've just read that in an @edbookfest tweet!

Yep, after so long refusing to be sucked into the distraction of Twittering I have succumbed. As with Facebook, it seemed like the only way to find out what's going on in town. I am @velocityM if you wish to follow me around too. I don't go far. I've just started #accessiblevenuesedinburgh if you have discoveries to share.

storming the gardens

I have to show you what my friend David made me when I told him I'd be doing the book festival in Charlotte Square Gardens on Sunday:

city of festivals

I'm not going to even try to suggest a full list of newly-discovered or hit shows for you this week. I know that by now you will have noticed for yourself that there are already more top event recommendations than days in the year so trying to logically select a mere ten shows per day will only make you cry. Go for random - or stalk someone with good taste, even a reviewer :-)
Also, most of the variety and cabaret nights across the city vary from night to night as different performers appear.

Many of the stand-up venues are unfortunately inaccessible but a newly listed venue smooth enough to wheel into is the Captain's Bar, South College Street. Bloc colleagues Gavin Inglis, Andrew J Wilson and Andrew C Ferguson will be there some nights and I can vouch for their storytelling prowess. The Bongo Club Cabaret, Holyrood Road is another accessible venue worth scooting along to (ask the door staff to bring out the ramp). Some more accessible-venue hints are:

The Big Red Door, Lady Lawson Street. BRD is of course having its final season and will be open every Friday, Saturday and Sunday of August, £5 entry, BYOB, for a full night of innovative cabaret and household circus. There are daytime classes and workshops too.

Desmond O Connor (the young kinky one) and assorted comrades are in the Ghillie Dhu, Rutland Place for afternoon and evening shows almost all this month - hoorah for lifts! Call the Ghillie Dhu first to check that the lift is working as it has broken once this season already, and be warned that some of Des's performances have been selling out in advance.

Unfortunately one of the really breathtaking circus shows is outwith Fringe-level prices, but if you're feeling flush, do go along to see Tabu by Nofit State Circus on Leith Links. An international, Bristol-based cast - including two familiar Edinburgh faces. There's a plethora of local performers in many of the multimedia events this year, including some of the entertainers and artists at the Botanics, Inverleith Row (wheelchairs and one powered scooter available to borrow, call in advance)

The Art Festival provides good free schmooze and ents (Fruitmarket Gallery, Market Street is particularly good for that) no matter what the visuals, and as there are multiple venues involved you will find something you like - and can get into - en route (as well as all the street entertainment and doorway beckoners who will offer you activities for the rest of the night- abandoning the gallery plans if necessary!):

Edinburgh Art Festival
Art Late
Friday 13th
6.30pm - 9.30pm

http://edinburghartfestival.com/ Its pretty hard to make out any more information on the website; two of the links are down and there isn't a central listing that I can see.

The same schmoozing and interchangeable pic n mix aspect applies to the Edinburgh International Book Festival in Charlotte Square from this weekend onwards(smooth paths, bumpy doorway sills) Free entry to the garden and you're allowed to bring your own picnic food even though they also sell food at the cafe.

I am biased in favour of the EIBF as I'll be the guest author in the corner of the book shop for Story Shop at 4pm onSunday 15th for fifteen minutes of storytelling. I'll be back again for the book festival's new series of nightly cabaret 'Unbound', as Writers' Bloc hit the Spiegeltent, Charlotte Square Gardens on Tuesday 24th at 9pm till 1am. Free.

If you're outdoors after 10pm on weekday nights, midnight on Saturdays, find a place to watch the Tattoo Fireworks over Edinburgh Castle for free. Best vantage points are along Princes Street, up Calton hill (wheelchair access is by road - but you might need to taxi up that slope) and in Greyfriars Kirkyard, right at the back by Flodden Wall. Smoothish but steep pathway into the graveyard but a top-speed exit down what will now be the hill of doom. Please don't crash into Bobby.

Just in case the city centre traffic fumes are getting to you during your cultural marathon, put these fresh sea air fringe dates into your August planner app:

• Friday 13th Burryman's parade, South Queensferry, starting at 8.45am at the Stag's Head Inn and drinking through the village till 6pm


• Thursday 19th, The Great Escape, to cycle out (or scooter out!) with Transition University of Edinburgh (staff and students) 10am - 2pm exploring the cycle paths around the city and ending with a picnic (RSVP ben at teu.org.uk - replace at with @)


• Saturday 21st Prom on the Prom, afternoon prewar teadance organised by Big Things on the Beach, Portobello


• Sunday 22nd Live on the Links concert, Fisherrow Links, Musselburgh


• Saturday 28th Big Beach Busk, open event for all entertainers, Portobello promenade, city beach from noon till dawn.

and if you're worrying about what August in Edinburgh is doing to your liver and arteries then fear not, you will be able to swim yourself back to fighting fitness on the 5th September at the Open Water Swimming Festival, Portobello.

Thanks to Guardian Edinburgh for the headsup about The Great Escape! http://www.guardian.co.uk/edinburgh

Big Red Door

is closing. Debts and arrears are too large to repay in a short time with low income and high expenses. There will be one final month of glorious interactive immersive performance, schmoozing and trick-learning, complete with a rare chance to bid for some auctioned costumes and theatrical decorations. It will be BYOB but there will also be snacks.

This ending is not entirely unsurprising, but its a particularly harsh blow on a personal level because this year I was far too ill to be able to be part of any te POOKa action so dreaming of returning to the bosom of the family kept me going when very little else did. Art college is conveniently a few hundred metres from the Big Red Door on newly refurbished pavements, which was made the whole prospect extra special. I never, ever stop plannning for an arty future!

It doesn't seem real yet as I haven't seen any of the others or heard the words 'The Big Red Door is Closing' out loud.


te POOKa's Big Red Door,
Lady Lawson Street
immersive cabaret with the household of Lord Lawson
starts 9.30pm
Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays throught August
BYOB (corkage)


More on daytime activities and workshops asap.

wheelchair access to events with no fixed abode

I know I'm biased, but isn't wheelchair access to big (funded) events an obvious requirement - when at all possible? 'We're looking so hard for a new venue' is no longer an excuse after several years, and it isn't valid to be 'looking for the perfect venue' either. Move wheelchair access up higher than corporate identity and ale selection, promptly move to the nearest venue - anything with access, just anything - and I'm sure that astonishingly that elusive perfect venue will be found the very next month. Get someone other than that irrational, demanding, ungrateful, greedy, selfish, passive-agressive party pooper in a wheelchair to ask that access be instated, get the most popular and famous guest to say 'next month we move, we're going here while the organisers choose that perfect venue', and they'll fall over themselves to agree that it is a splendid idea.

I'm not irrational. I'm not demanding - in fact I am usually scared to speak up or mention access or assistance, so scared that my guts hurt and activists kick me for being a total wimp. I'm not greedy (except for toast), good grief I'm not selfish or a party pooper. Yes I can be passive agressive and sometimes it really leaks out, so maybe I should just yell and punch to remove the passive part. But once that's my identity then just my existence is enough to upset folk who like their old upstairs rooms. I should know, I can think of seven people so far who have stuck that label on me (and onto the others who I know). Ouch. It really hurts to be called ungrateful, especially when I've almost fallen out of my chair with excitment and gratitude when people have helped change things or shown interest in making changes! They don't seem to appreciate just how incredibly patient we're being - or how unfair it is to be scowled at and blamed for high blood pressure when all we did was want to join in, and help too.

If any of the problematic organisers were excluded from important events - funded or public event - for YEARS then I think we'd hear screaming and shouting and crying and threats, but they don't seem to have that personal insight. And yet, I haven't fallen out with any of them. I think I'm an optimist, or something.

So I'm quietly still asking and waiting. Again. With enthusiasm and encouragement for the events and for attracting other guests too. Years though, a three year membership in one case, that is taking the piss. If there was ever any doubt, ever any room to wait, understanding that nothing is immediate, the time has passed. Apologies aren't apologies when we hear that publicity has then gone ahead for the existing venue for the next six months, they aren't real apologies when the person making them is looking to be comforted and reassured that its ok, we know they're doing their best. They're doubtful apologies when nothing changes. They're also not apologies when worded as being sorry that the wheely guest 'feels' left out!

I don't know what to do about this. What I do know is that it can't be me, or anyone else on wheels who has already annoyed by joining a membership who does it or else it'll be done with anger, stress and resentment with other guests 'taking sides'. It has to be someone very popular and in demand at an event to tell organisers to change now (nicely and calmly but firmly) and if necessary name the new location and then it'll seem like a great idea. Its basic psychology, unfortunately. Took me a while to learn.

Obviously this doesn't apply to small, unofficial or local groups and meetups or ones immovably in a home of their own already, or ones looking to move venue (actually moving). See, I did say I wasn't unreasonable! But today I feel as though I daren't speak in case I annoy someone about my wheels or my health.

August starts at the beach

The first day of August featured monsoons and howling gales, but suddenly it all ceased, and the air was warm and calm. There was sudden beachy activity - though the triathalon swimmers were already in the water - not least as the huge dramatic cloud formations with matching monochrome seas had brought out the photographers.



For the wildlife as well as the art.


It was still pissing down across Fife and East Lothian when I gazed out to sea but Portobello beach itself was a strange oasis.



Then the sky dropped again. Right onto my head. I haven't seen Henry (the frog) for two days now - he goes on a crazy bender every time a deluge reaches Biblical proportions, then has to sleep it off in a flowerpot somewhere. I adore the rain too, but I don't fit into a flower pot anymore.